Where do I begin...I will start by saying that this journey is mine and mine alone. There are times when you want to invite others along, but this is not one of those times.
This past year has taught me a lot about who I am, what I like, and what I don't like, yet there was still a fight and dare I say still fighting my way to the other side.
I am learning to be patient with myself. I am learning to acknowledge that I don't have all the answers. I am accepting that there are times when I want to do good... evil is always lurking...and how I respond determines the fight.
I have spent the last several months making every attempt to feed my soul but found myself at times going through the motions...almost like checking a list. There were many times I would stop and ask myself "What are you doing?" "Why are you doing "this"?" "Did God call you to "this"? The list of questions didn't end and in my questioning, I felt myself drawing closer to the source, the one that had all the answers.
I participated in various learning communities; communities to build my faith, and sometimes I would leave those spaces and almost immediately feel depleted. I found myself...
FIGHTING MY WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE
Over this last year, there has been much crying, walking alone, feeling alone, and not certain how I would get to the other side.
Here is what I believe to be true and that is our God never fails. This past year I have walked in the valley and He was there. I have felt confused and turned to Him and He gave me peace. I acknowledge my ways and He continued to direct my steps. I lifted my hands and opened my heart to receive correction; correction that began to bring healing.
I joined a group that offered a safe place to be ME...no mask...no pretense...JUST ME...JUST A GIRL WHO LOVES JESUS who was fighting her way to the other side.
Mark 4:35 CSB "On that day, when evening had come, he told them, “Let’s cross over to the other side of the sea.” This passage of scripture tells of a time when Jesus invited the disciples to get in the boat. They were leaving behind the current cares of their day to go to the other side with Jesus; they didn't know that going with Him they would experience some turbulence. If you read Mark 4:35-37 you will find that the disciples became fearful, they even began to wonder who is this man that makes the waves obey.
Jesus invited them to cross over to go to the other side of the sea. He did not tell them that they would not experience trouble..turbulence...waves that may try to take them over.
One commentary says that the disciples did not do anything wrong, Jesus had commanded them to get into the boat, and they were in the perfect center of God's will. Yet they had an experience that they felt was threatening...scary...uncertain.
Here is the beauty when you read James 1:2-3 NLT says, "Dear brothers and sisters when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."
I am fighting my way to the other side, but I am not in this battle alone. He is with me. His word says in
Joshua 1:5 CSB "No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. I will be with you, just as I was with Moses. I will not leave you or abandon you."
Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous; don’t be terrified or afraid of them. For the Lord your God is the one who will go with you; he will not leave you or abandon you.”
I say to you and to me as it is said in 1 Peter 5:7 CSB "casting all your cares on him because he cares about you."
I AM FIGHTING MY WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE, BUT I AM NOT ALONE.